I don't want to go to chemo tomorrow. My mom's in town - I'd rather go shopping and to a movie and have fun. Instead she will watch me get pumped full of poison, serve me all food and drink because I just can't, and stay strong, doing her best to mask how much this hurts her. Mike will spend the weekend following me to the bathroom when I throw up, just in case I need him and he'll end the weekend by unplugging me from chemo, also keeping his feelings inside so I don't get more upset. I will sleep through most of the next four days. I will pop pills in between. Frustrated and annoyed but with no choice because I have to surrender to have hope of getting better. I hate this shit.